By Morris Wambua
The Studio Set—A Recipe for Chaos
Welcome to the "Morning Breeze" on NBS Television, where the stage is set for what’s supposed to be a serious discussion about homosexuality in Uganda. Simon Kaggwa Njala, your unflappable host, sits like a judge presiding over the court of common sense. Dressed sharply in a black suit, peeping through the upper frames of his pair of glasses, expressing a demeanor that radiates the confidence of a man who believes he’s about to tackle the most pressing issue of the day. Opposite him is Pepe Julian Onziema, composed and cool, clearly a veteran of awkward conversations. If you thought you were tuning in for a regular talk show, think again—this is about to turn into a comedy sketch worthy of an Emmy.
The Iconic Introduction: "Should I Call You Mister?"
Simon kicks things off with an introduction so stiff it could use a chiropractor:
Simon: “We bring in the studio this morning one of the gay rights activists... Mr.—should
I call you Mistaaa—Pepe Julian Onziema.”
You can almost hear the studio crew holding their breath, as Pepe nods politely, probably thinking, “Oh boy, here we go.”
Simon: “Thank you for coming in.”
Pepe: “Thank you. Good morning.”
But Simon has no time for small talk. He’s on a mission, diving headfirst into the interview with the urgency of a dad frantically searching for the TV remote during the final minutes of a football game—determined, slightly bewildered, and utterly convinced that the answer is just within reach if he asks the right question.
Simon: “Why are you gay?”
It’s the line that will echo through eternity, like a question from a lost, very confused soul. Pepe, unbothered, answers with the calm of someone explaining that the earth revolves around the sun:
Pepe: “Who says I am gay?”
Simon, not missing a beat and clearly not in the mood for ambiguity, hits back more determined.
Simon: “You are gay.”
And there it is, folks—the moment that will be quoted, memed, and forever enshrined in the Hall of Internet Fame. Simon’s delivery is so serious, it’s like he’s presenting undeniable evidence at a trial. Pepe, meanwhile, just gives a small smile, probably wondering if he’s on a hidden camera show.
The Rapid-Fire Round of Ridiculousness: Simon's Unforgettable Questions
Having nailed down his ground breaking thesis, Simon plunges into a line of questioning that makes you wonder if in the words of the Komanda himuselefu, amepanga kummaliza!
Simon: “You are transgender. My word shows that you are a transgender and you're a gay
rights activist and an outspoken lesbian homosexual. How can I describe you?”
Pepe, at this point possibly questioning every life choice that led him here, patiently explains his identity. But Simon’s brain is doing gymnastics.
Simon: “You are initially male or female? The sex that was assigned to you at birth was female, and you opted to become male?”
Pepe clarifies, explaining that it’s not an“option” like picking between Coke or Pepsi. But Simon’s not giving up yet. No sir.
Simon: “Have you realigned yourself into being a male, or do you still share both sexes?”
Pepe, an unflinching zen master of calm, explain she’s in transition. Simon, visibly navigating through his mental Rolodex of lethal terms, continues:
Simon: “Why should someone be gay?”
Pepe, still cool as a cucumber in an ice bath,corrects him gently:
Pepe: “Just for the record, I am not a gay rights activist. I believe there is nothing like gay rights—there are human rights. There are humans who are gay and those who are not gay.”
Simon is undeterred. He’s like a dog with a bone—or rather, a cat who found a laser pointer and won’t stop chasing that dot.
When Simplicity Meets Comedy: Simon’s Endless Quest for Understanding
As Simon’s questions spiral further into the surreal, you almost expect the Benny Hill theme to start playing in the background:
Simon: “Do you perform the natural obligations?”
Pepe, maintaining a level of grace that should be studied by future diplomats, responds with:
Pepe: “I'm not sexually active right now.”
Simon, however, is not about to let that one slide:
Simon: “So what is this lady doing by choice?”
Pepe, biting back what must be the urge to laugh, calmly explains her personal choices. But Simon, bless his heart, is still grappling with the basics:
Simon:“Doesn't that make you gay?”
Pepe, like a kindergarten teacher on her fifth cup of coffee, replies:
Pepe: “I am male and attracted to a female.”
But Simon isn’t letting this go. He wants answers, even if he has to redefine every term in the dictionary:
Simon: “So who is gay?”
The Confusion Peaks: "Is It Normal to Be Gay?"
As Simon delves deeper, you can almost hear the gears grinding in his head:
Simon: “Is it normal to be gay?”
Pepe, seemingly cornered, responds:
Pepe:“Absolutely. Gay people are born that way. It’s not a choice; it’s part of who
they are.”
But Simon’s not quite convinced. He’s navigating through this conversation like he’s trying to fix a leaky faucet with a rubber chicken. He bravely soldiers on:
Simon: “If as a male, I'm attracted to another male, society dictates it should be my
daughter with your son, and people tend to hide who they are. Is it a choice?”
Pepe nods patiently, explaining how societal structures complicate natural human feelings. Simon’s nodding along too, but you can tell he’s still thinking, “Wait, is there a quiz at the end of this?”
The Aftermath: A Legacy of Laughter
As the interview wraps up, it’s clear that Simon and Pepe have created an internet masterpiece—whether they meant to or not. The clip becomes an instant classic, not just for the hilarity but for the earnest yet awkward attempt at bridging the massive gulf between understanding and complete bewilderment.
Simon’s “Why are you gay?” and the hilarious “Should I call you Mister?” are forever etched into meme history, ensuring that this interaction is immortalized as a masterclass in unintentional comedy. It’s the perfect storm of sincerity, confusion, and moments of pure, unfiltered humanity.
Watch the interview here!