By Morris Wambua

Lord Maurice Egerton of Tatton.

A man with wealth, title, and status—the sort of aristocrat who should’ve had the world at his feet.

Sadly, instead of being known for anything remotely cool or heroic, Lord Egerton is remembered for what is perhaps one of the most hilariously tragic attempts at winning a woman’s heart in history.

His love life?

Well, it’s the kind of cautionary tale you’d want to tell your buddies at the boys' meeting—preferably over a kilo of meat while shaking your head and muttering, “Don’t ever do what this guy did.”

See, Lord Egerton wasn’t just rich.

He was filthy rich, dripping with old-school aristocratic wealth, the kind that makes you think “This guy must have it all figured out.”

Except he didn’t.

When it came to women, poor Lord Egerton had the finesse of a toddler trying to ride a unicycle on ice. And what makes it all the more tragic (or hilarious, depending on how you look at it) is that his attempt to woo a woman—let’s call her Lady X—was so grand, so utterly over-the-top, it could only end in disaster.

Or a lesson for all the men out there: simping won’t get you anywhere, no matter how much cash you throw at it.

The Grand Romantic Plan: A Castle, Because Why Not?

So, Lord Egerton falls for Lady X.

She’s refined, European, the type of woman who probably expects romantic strolls through Italian vineyards or lavish dinners in Paris. But instead of playing it cool, getting to know her, or God forbid, asking what she might actually like, Lord Egerton skips all the normal steps of courtship and goes straight to what any self-respecting simp would do when faced with unrequited love: he decides to build her a castle. A whole damn castle.

Now, take a second to let that sink in.

He didn’t just write her a love letter or plan a cozy evening by the fire.

No, no. Lord Egerton thought, "What could possibly say ‘I love you’ better than a fortress with turrets, marble staircases, and more rooms than anyone could ever need?"

You can almost imagine him, pacing around the empty plot of land in Ngata, Kenya, drawing up blueprints in his head, convinced that Lady X would be absolutely blown away when she saw his grand gesture.

Let’s be honest here.

This wasn’t a gesture of love.

This was a full-on cry for help. And boy, did he need it?

Reality Check: The Woman Doesn’t Want Your Castle

So, after months (maybe years, who knows) of construction, the day finally comes.

Lord Egerton probably stood there, beaming with pride as Lady X arrived to view his masterpiece.

In his mind, this was going to be the scene straight out of a fairy tale—she would look at him, eyes
full of awe, and realize just how much he cared.

Maybe she’d even shed a tear, overcome with emotion. He thought.

That’s not how things went. Not at all.

Instead of being blown away by his architectural triumph, Lady X took one look at this giant, luxurious heap of stone and said something along the lines of, “Nah, I’m good.”

She found the place lacking.

Maybe it was the isolation of the African wilderness.

Maybe it was the fact that she was more into fancy European cities than sprawling estates in the
middle of nowhere.

Whatever it was, she rejected his grand gesture with all the warmth of a freezer door slamming shut.

Now, at this point, any rational man would’ve taken the hint. But not our boy Egerton.

He decided, with the confidence only a man truly out of touch with reality can have, that the solution to Lady X’s indifference was more castle. Yep.

Instead of admitting defeat, he doubled down.

He expanded the estate, adding more rooms, more luxury, more everything—as if building a second, bigger pile of bricks would somehow change her mind.

How Not to Handle Rejection: A Masterclass in Overreaction

Rejection sucks.

No one’s denying that. But what separates emotionally mature people from, well, Lord Egerton, is how they handle that rejection.

Most people move on, learn from it, maybe eat a pint of ice cream and vent to their friends.

Lord Egerton? He created a woman-free fortress as if that would somehow solve the problem.

Pro tip: banning an entire gender from your life is not how you get over someone.

It’s how you become the punchline of a very sad joke.

If Lord Egerton had handled rejection like a normal person, he might have been able to reflect on why things didn’t work out and come away with some valuable lessons.

Instead, he turned his heartbreak into an international spectacle—a literal castle of loneliness that still stands today as a reminder of how not to cope with getting dumped.

Now, here’s where things really go off the rails.

After Lady X’s second, definitive rejection, Lord Egerton didn’t just accept his L and move on like a normal person.

No, he went full-on “I’m banning women” mode, which, let’s be honest, is probably not a move your therapist would recommend.

Yup.

After being dumped, he swore off women entirely. And not in the quiet, “I need to work on myself for a while” way.

No, Lord Egerton literally banned women from his estate. That’s right—he created an actual "no girls allowed" zone, as if this was some elaborate club house for sad, heartbroken billionaires.

In his mind, this was a brilliant solution.

If he couldn’t win Lady X over, he would just pretend women didn’t exist.

Logic!

And because one overreaction isn’t enough for a man of his caliber, he didn’t stop at banning human women.

Nope, he took it a step further and banned female animals from the estate too.

Let me say that again for those in the back: he banned hens. As in, no chickens allowed if they happened to be female.

I guess he figured that if he couldn’t have love, he could at least live in a weird, all-male sanctuary where even the clucking of a hen wouldn’t remind him of his broken heart.

Now, if you’re reading this and thinking, "Wow, this guy needs help," you’re absolutely right.

Lord Egerton’s grand heartbreak-induced meltdown is a textbook example of why simping is not the move.

Grand gestures?

Sure, they might work in Mexican opera soaps, but in real life, people usually want things like connection, compatibility, and actual effort—not just a massive, overcompensating display of wealth.

The Modern Simp: What Would Lord Egerton Do Today?

If Lord Egerton were alive today, I can almost guarantee he’d be that guy sliding into Instagram DMs with messages like, “I’ll fly you out to my private island if you just answer my text.”

He’s the guy who sends you 50 bouquets of roses when you haven’t even agreed to go on a date
yet.

In other words, he’s the definition of the modern simp.

Perhaps, instead of building a castle, a modern Lord Egerton might have commissioned a luxury yacht named after Lady X, filled it with rose petals, and had a helicopter hovering nearby, ready to whisk her away to a private dinner on some secluded beach.

And when she inevitably turned him down because dude, chill, he’d probably have responded by selling his mansion and moving to a remote island to live a solitary life—hen-free, of course.

And here’s the thing: while all these grand gestures might seem impressive on paper (or on Instagram), they miss the point of what real love is all about.

You can’t just throw money or big romantic gestures at someone and expect them to fall head over heels for you.

Relationships aren’t built on castles or yachts or expensive dinners—they’re built on connection, understanding, and mutual respect.

Things you can’t buy or build, no matter how much wealth you have.

The Moral of the Story: Stop Simping and Start Connecting

So, what’s the takeaway here? It’s simple: don’t be a Lord Egerton.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can buy someone’s love.

Don’t assume that grand gestures will cover up the fact that you haven’t actually built any kind of emotional connection.

And for the love of all things holy, don’t ban women (or hens) from your life just because one
person turned you down.

It’s called rejection, and it happens to everyone.

The key is to handle it like a grown-up, not by spiraling into a full-blown, women-hating hermit life.

Instead of pouring your time, energy, and money into over-the-top displays of affection that no one asked for, how about you, I don’t know, try talking to the person?

Maybe ask them what they’re into.

Get to know them as a human being.

Build something real—something that can’t be measured in square footage or the number of chandeliers you installed. Because at the end of the day, love is about connection, not castles.

Let’s Keep It Real: Why Simping Doesn’t Work

Here’s the thing about simping that no one tells you: it doesn’t just fail because it’s over-the-top; it fails because it’s fundamentally dishonest.

Simping isn’t about the person you’re trying to impress—it’s about you.

It’s about trying to make yourself feel better by doing something so grand that you think it’ll win someone over. But what’s actually happening is you’re trying to buy affection, trying to shortcut the emotional work that real relationships require.

What Lord Egerton failed to understand—and what too many people still don’t get—is that genuine connection can’t be forced.

You can’t trick someone into falling for you just because you’ve built them a palace (or, in modern times, because you’ve sent 100 roses, Venmoed her “for lunch,” or paid for an extravagant trip).

If someone isn’t into you, no number of grand gestures is going to change that. And if they do suddenly start liking you after one of these displays?

Well, they’re probably more into your bank account than your personality.

The Castle That Stands Today: A Monument to Misguided Love

Lord Egerton’s castle still stands today in Kenya, a massive, towering monument to one man’s misguided attempt to win love through extravagance.

People visit it not for its romantic history, but for its absurdity.

It’s a symbol of what happens when you focus too much on impressing someone rather than connecting with them. And it’s a lesson for anyone who’s ever thought that a grand gesture could solve their romantic problems: it won’t.

So, the next time you’re tempted to go all out in an effort to win someone’s heart, stop and think about Lord Egerton.

Think about that massive, empty castle sitting in the middle of the vast Njoro plainland, and
remember that love can’t be bought, bribed, or built with bricks and mortar.

Connection, not castles, is what matters.

If you ever find yourself considering banning women—or hens—from your life in a fit of post rejection rage, maybe just take a deep breath, order a pizza through Glovo, and remind yourself that the world is full of people to meet and opportunities to connect.

Simping, as Lord Egerton so hilariously demonstrated, is never the answer.

Conclusion: Why Trying Too Hard Backfires

Now before we go, let’s get real for a second.

Why does simping fail so spectacularly?

It’s because desperation is the least attractive quality in the world.

You know how they say confidence is sexy?

Well, simping is the exact opposite of confidence. It’s a loud, neon sign that says, “I’m not sure
if I’m good enough for you, so let me throw everything I have at you and hope you like it.” And guess what? That’s not appealing to anyone.

Remember how Lady X took one look at Lord Egerton’s castle and went, “Meh”?

That’s because she wasn’t looking for a castle.

She wasn’t interested in how much money he had or how grand his estate was.

She wanted something else—probably something simple, like meaningful conversation
or shared interests. But Lord Egerton was so busy thinking bigger is better that he missed the fact that none of this was about her.

It was all about him, his ego, and his need to impress.

In the same way, today’s simping usually involves throwing money or attention at someone in the hopes they’ll suddenly see you as attractive or worthy.

It’s a shallow approach that completely skips over the fact that real attraction is based on mutual respect and connection, not grand gestures and extravagant gifts.

Now repeat after me, "DO NOT SIMP!"